Accepting the fact that they're gone

Assalamualaikum and hi everyone.

This year, I lost two heroes.

My abah passed away on 1st April, tak sempat merasa puasa and raya bersama, then on 2nd July, Wan pula, time puasa. At first, I can't seem to accept those, as they occcured suddenly.

Hmm tapi tula, Allah sayang mereka lebih kan.

Life's different now.

A normal thing that occurs after someone that we are close, leaves us, for good.

To be truthful, I can't seem to be accepting the fact that fast. Not to mention that, I hope that the next day I wake up, I'll see my dad sitting there on his table, sipping a sip of nescafe made by mama. I admit I did hope for that.

...

On 1st April, in the evening, I received a phone call from mama. It's not unusual. So I did not suspect a thing. Until I heard her voice, seemed trying to talk after crying.

"Kakak, abah dah takda,"

At that moment, I did not even think it was my abah. I thought it was my wan, because my abah called him 'abah' too.

I asked my mama to confirm, and nope, it was my abah.

...


It takes time for me to finally come to my senses. To actually accept the real fact.

But alhamdulillah, he passed away while sleeping. Orang kata, meninggal dalam tidur tak sakit. Alhamdulillah, thanks Allah for taking him in the kindest way.

Undeniable that I am happy to dream about him, to see him even though I know it wasn't real.

I am also looking forward to every Ramadhan, as I've read that ruh will come to visit their families during that month.

...

I may not say 'I miss you' often abah, but I sincerely felt it, always.

Both of you will always be in my prayers. Always, in shaa Allah.






p/s: In my previous post, I stated how I was unable to write about this, but after I came across a blog, whereby she losts her mom, I finally gain a little courage to write this.